I need help with my husband, How to deal with him?

Your reaction certainly isn't unreasonable. He isn't doing what needs to be done. You have every right to kick him out.

His behavior seems like depression to me. His behavior changed radically after the child was born. He began behaving in ways that surprised you. He doesn't have motivation. Instead of kicking him out and making his depression worse, i'd recommend getting him to a doctor.

Don't abandon him. Help him. Depression really is an illness. The depressed person can't just snap out of it. Get bimthe help he needs.

You don't state your ages but it's clear from what is going on that you are both tweeners.

This is very, very common.

You are both struggling to adapt to the responsibilities of parenthood.

Statistically, a women under the age of 24yo are not capable of being a good mother and a good wife and a man under the age of 30 is not capable of being a good father, good husband, and good worker.

This is what the doctor was highlighting.

Real change takes time and if you both stick it out and mature together that becomes a deeply bonding experience together for later in life.

Your mother is "over-functioning" and handling more responsibility than she ought to.

She needs to be clear with what she is willing to do and offer and refuse to take on any more responsibility than that.

I promise, if he was 'alone' with the child he would take care of him.

It is because other people are around that are doing the job he is slacking off.

No that's not mature, but that is exactly how tweeners behave.

Grandma helping out around the house for a week or two when the baby is first born is not a bad idea. Neither of you are going to have solid idea of what you are doing and that is a supporting thing for 'mom' to do. She just needs to enforce the dead-line now that I was willing to step in and help out for 2~3 weeks not indefinably.

I promise if we took a hard look at your behavior we would find substantial lacking of responsibility as well. you both need to work towards handling more things more consistently.

e.g. If he's working and you're at home, do you cook a healthy dinner almost every day? Is your mom doing that for you still?

Good luck, things will eventually get better!

I feel for the man. You are stay at home mother, and you make your husband do his own laundry? It sounds like you are trying to be a mother instead of a wife and partner. He works and comes home and relax's in front of the television...well of course he does, he just finished working. You are not in love with the man, you stated that clearly at the begining, my point being, I do not believe there is anything he will be able to do that WILL make you happy. You are lacking an important part of a marriage, if that is how you actually feel. When you stay at home, you are the one in charge of the house, at least that is how it usually works, I have two kids and manage to get everything done myself, I would never ask my husband to do his own laundry, that is for sure.

You seem to know what to do to deal with your situation. However, you might have to consider getting a job to support you and your son. Your husband probably won't change. A lot of women are the bearers of supporting their kid's emotional and physical needs. Should your husband plead to come back to you, make him sign a contract. Draw up a contract that is REALLY specific what you expect him to do around your place and with your son. For example, spend minimum 10 hours a week attention on you and your son. And if he defaults on the contract he is to pay maximum child support (some States in USA) have $250.00 per week per child.

Yes you spend a lot of time with your son during the day but that does not put food on the table. If your husband agrees to the terms of the contract and he comes back, don't dump the baby on him as soon as he walks in the door. It would be worse if he went to a bar instead of going home after work.

Good luck!

I understand your situation. It's like a one sided relation ship. You should ask him what is bothering him and why he wont cooperate. If I were you, I would give him a ultimatum of marriage counseling. It always helps to hear a third person's opinion. It seems like he is set in his ways right now and there isn't much you can do about it unless you leave him or get this counseling. He is not going to listen to you alone. If he isn't too stubborn about things he might listen to this counselor. It really does help because the counselor is a nuetral party that helps the both of you reach an agreement about things.

You recognise, I was once with you approximately the napping factor. Sometimes I simply wish to sleep and up to I love my boyfriend I do not wish to cuddle or preserve palms or any of it at that second. I wish to sleep. So I get that. And for that challenge I might advocate speakme to her approximately it. Be sincere. Some humans simply don't seem to be cuddly sleepers. It doesn't suggest you're keen on her any much less. However, complaining that your new spouse sits at the equal sofa as you to look at television is far excessive. Of direction she wishes to sit down with you. Perhaps you uncover your self in a typical state of discovering her traumatic on the second. It's truthfully no longer all that distinguished amongst newlyweds. You are for maybe the primary time, looking to mildew your existence in combination. It will also be overwhelming to all of the sudden have her round always. Personal house obstacles will ought to be adjusted and it's going to take a even as however you must be in a position to get there. Making it seen in your new spouse that you do not wish to be at the equal sofa as her would possibly not support the luck of your marriage. It will most effective make for a harm, irritated, bewildered spouse. As your marriage keeps you'll be trained that that is on no account a well factor. So pretty much I'm announcing recover from it. If she's laying on you, or fidgeting or (I do that) gambling together with your hair or blouse or in some thing like that you then must give an explanation for to her why you uncover it frustrating. And you then ought to take delivery of that humans are frustrating, even those we adore. You promised to take her for greater or worse and there might be bits of each. Everyone has traumatic behavior (even you!) and you'll ought to be trained to compromise and reside with them. It takes time to regulate to the difference that's marriage and not anything you are announcing is so terrible that it cannot be conquer. Nurture your courting. Be sincere together with her (in a non-confrontational approach). Give it time and endurance. And be well to the either one of you. Good success.

If I understood you correctly, you do not work. But, at the same time, you want your husband to help you with the housework and play with the baby. You need to reconsider your expectations. Marriage is a two-way street. What are you doing for him? When a man has a job, baby care is not his primary obligation. Yes, maybe you should consider letting his relax after a full days work and slow up with your demands.

First off you kinda lazy too. You said you couldn't deal with the baby cause you had a c section, my wife had one and she was helping with our baby, so that lame excuse don't work. Second you married a man you weren't in love with, and had a child with him. You stay at home and want him to help with housework, but if you stay at home the housework is your responsibility. Honestly, you're the one in the wrong here.

Ambar_Yahaira,

you have so many bad answers here, Please listen to those of us who think that he might have depression, including Ablex and Shayalon, who has a psychology degree.

His behaviour is symptomatic of someone who could have depression, and blaming him will just make it worse. He need to talk with his doctor and you need to encourage him to get help.

It could be that the pregnancy and all the changes that it involved triggered something that he has difficulty in dealing with. I have a lot of sympathy for you, but you need to deal with the real problem in order to fix it.

for better or worse these times well pass. be his girlfriend not nag wife. you say the problem is him. stop blaming get to work showing more love and care sit in his lap while he watches TV .put the baby in his lap while he is watching TV .your a stay home mom stop your bitching and he well open up and be the man your looking for him to be if you try to change him he well resent you and it well get worse